Today was a better day and it was nice to sit and watch it come to an End, tomorrow will be what it is. I have thought hard about my last Post, even though I don't recall much about writing it. I thought about deleting it and my Blog, But then again it would just be more denial.
I feel maybe I should explain a little, I have suffered this Illness from my late teens and let it rule my life through to my early thirties, I have been in and out of the A.A rooms from the age of 24, I have been Beaten more times than I could remember, Lost everything on just as many times, It's very clever this Illness as it will Lie to you, It tells you that your not that bad, and maybe tell you that your fine you don't have a problem, It even lets you test the water on a few Occasions and then Bang, Back to the place you swore you would never Go back to, This was such a place I found myself In Again.
I have fought hard to try and get on with my life, Land a job I wanted and hold it down for longer than a couple of months, managed to make amends to my family and build relationships that had disintegrated. I also took up Running to fill the time I had on my hands and to help build up my Body and mind that had been Badly damaged over the years, Running has been the real saviour in Holding onto my Life. It has given me more than I ever thought It Could.The last 3-4yrs since running have been my strongest.
These last 10 days have been a real test, I forgot the basics in keeping myself safe and well, and let meaningless things drag me down, I have learnt these lessons so many times and yet there is no guarantees in Life, I almost Lay down and let it swallow me as I have done on most Occasions. At this time I am Physically well and on the Head side of things that will take a little longer.
The reason I didn't delete this blog and hide behind my shame, was down to the many people who I have met through this Running game, People I have met and still to meet, who have sent Kind words and messages of support, These are the people who have given me extra strength to pick myself up put on my Trainers tie the Laces tight and continue on this journey of recovery and Healing. I thank you All